Help with Vista

Some people are struggling with understanding Mr Vista.

Do we ignore these people and ridicule them? Yes. But after that invite them to look at this picture. It is a guide to mr vista, a help file in pictorial fashion, a comedy picture about a character based upon a certain Microsoft product from which people may derive humour, a joke, a gag from simple spoofs.

Anyway, now that I've finished trying to get this post to show up on Google searches better by jamming in loads of words just enjoy the pic above. Oh, and 'Bill Gates'!

Another chance to see...

Yes! Yet another chance to see the film festival version of Mr Vista as it is part of the Edinburgh Film Festival Media Guardian Viral Showcase. The competition title is longer than the film! Anyway, all Visterons must be used to the pathetic scrabbling for attention associated with the Mr Vista shorts and I can delude myself that the repetition is all part of the Mr Vista brand. Now let's all go home and pretend this never happened.

A call to arms

Mr Vista needs your help. So far we've had a few Vista fans (is that vistarenos, nah, how about vistarites or even better, yep, vistarons) send in ideas for series 2 of the big V mans adventures.

So far...

Mr Vista and the microwave dinner
Mr Vista and the satnav
Mr Vista and the air raid bunker (!)
Mr Vista and the incredible disappearing pay cheque
Mr Vista and the full bladder
Mr Vista and the vision of tomorrow
Mr Vista's guide to MSN smilies for the real world

However...
If you have an idea for a Mr Vista episode then let me know by the end of June.
Over to you Vistarons.

Mr Vista's new outfit

François Sabbagh aka Fssabbagh sent in this photo for the Vistarons to enjoy. He suggest it may suit Mr Vista!

NOT 'Evolution of Dance'

Mr Vista evolved from this episode...



But what of evolution of man? Note: If you want a proper Darwin poster on evolution click here



Ever feel like you are not getting anywhere? Feel as if your life is in a rut? In fact you are in a rut. And the daylight barely glints down into the muddy swill you live it? Yes!

Well worry no more! The above diagram, if studied correctly, will aid your concerns and soothe your woes. Yes. At last. The Mr Vista guide to evolution. As any foole can see it clearly highlights that no one is getting anywhere and they never will. Hurrah. Everyone else is as screwed as you. Rejoiceth one and all.


Picture stolen from here.

Big version here.

Mr Vista is breaking out

Mr Vista needs your help! If you've seen the episodes then this will be plain to see. But this week he needs your help in another way. He is in two competitions.

Clearly these desperate websites are clinging to the idea that featuring Mr Vista will somehow draw in the crowds. I urge you to keep these deluded individuals where they are - do not shatter this misconception and thrust them into the real world. The real world of "no one giving a damn" that we all live in. Keep them in the belief that Mr Vista has fans so we may better study them and perhaps, in time, help them cast of their web 2.0 pretentiousness and get a real job.

Before then - just go and vote and make everyone* happy!

http://www.virginmediashorts.co.uk/film/1546482722
http://uploads.atomfilms.com/showdown.aspx

*everyone except yourself who will have wasted more of your life watching shit old episodes you've seen before.

Mr Shorta Vista

Mr Shorta Vista
Uploaded by MrVista

The downbeat nature of modern living - in 90 seconds.

Yes. Another quick, mind numbing video that reeks of post modernism and tries to hide the stench under a pot pouri of glossy shiny colour correction. Still, all adds to the fun*

* please note - fun not guaranteed. Especially as this is just a quick remix of Episode 1. This version is for various festivals etc. Apologies for resultant boredom.

The Mr Vista Interactive Adventure - be him!!!

Yes. It's true. Now you can live the dream. Be Mr Vista in one of his mind-numbingly average adventures. Start now.

Click here

Parallel Processing

Mrs Vista shows Mr Vista how it is done!

Mr Vista says...

Mr Vista says it as it is and offers a square deal for all, with extra beef!

Join the (downbeat) fun

Now you too can waste your life creating a fictional world of someone wasting theirs! The post-modern genius of it all! Start today.

Everything you need is crammed into 2meg of vista-ry goodness*. Get it here progress bar fans. Download today - now with extra outer-glow and drop shadow.

With the mirth-some first file you can add a progress bar to whatever you like. What do you want to see counting down? Your status in society? The equity of your house? Perhaps your youth? Or the respect of your love ones as you spend increading hours in front of the computer.

But wait. The best is yet to come. With the giggle-lious second file you put yourself into the little blue circle - just like the V man himself. Do it for your 'friends' to make cheap birthday cards. Or perhaps, being a Mr Vista fan, you don't have any friends. In which case do it to your own picture and send it in to mrvista (at) projectorfilms (dot) com. We'll ridicule your efforts instead.

*Excluding a very expensive copy of Photoshop required to use the damn things.

Hitting the buffers

Mr Vista hits the buffers
Uploaded by MrVista

Yes. That's right. Even progress must come to the end. And so the first series of Mr Vista draws to a close. 100% complete.

That means our lives can return to normal. No more mocking Mr Vista and his pathetic girly-slaps at the IT age. No more looking at ourselves and realising we were no better. No more waiting for Microsoft to knock on my door. No more ridiculous excuses as to why none of these damn films actually have a conclusion.

We are free. Free from Mr Vista and the crushing weight of his spot-on ridicule of our meaningless lives.

It's over. Finished. Shut down without installing updates.

See you next time.

Have your cake and eat it

Mr Vista has his cake and eats it
Uploaded by MrVista

Mr Vista is living with the fallout from his birthday. Ah sod it - just eat the damn cake!

Perhaps you too have to settle for the sensation of sugar and a full stomach instead of having the warm glow of being surrounded by people who actually like you - or can even tolerate you. Maybe a bulletin on myspace, a quick twitter and a status update on facebook to your 2000 friends wasn't enough to ensure that even one would ever actually show up in the flesh. But never mind. Bright green icing will numb the pain. And sponge is mostly air anyway.

Get it

As featured in the previous video - don't forget you can be equally as depressed about life by owning your own Mr Vista calendar. Get it today and marvel and simple lack of any design or pictures. Wow. Post modern and ironic.

Mr Vista celebrates another 365 days of being on-line

Happy Birthday Mr Vista
Uploaded by MrVista

If you, or anyone you know, has a birthday this year. You'll love this...

Perhaps you too feel the progress bar of your earthly existence slipping away. Remember when you were young, you had your whole progress bar in front of you? A long expanse of transparent glass-effect goodness and hope?

Not anymore.

These days the green seems to be oozing out of every pixel. And the one thing you fear more than the fact it is colouring is - is when it will stop. And all those so-called choices you made didn't really make any difference as the bar continued it's relentless dash towards the end of the window.

Maybe you even have a page-a-day calendar. Perhaps a Dilbert one, or one with dogs on it. Good for you. A quick giggle everyday. Well from now on, everytime you rip off a page, I hope you'll remember Mr Vista and ruminate upon your rapidly depleting days upon this Earth.

Enjoy. It's supposed to be comedy you know.

Mr Vista - the devil is in the detail

After last weeks loss of the progress bar, ITS BACK. Loads of them.

Behold the incredible detail of the official Mr Vista poster. Have it as a wallpaper / desktop. Print it out. Whatever.

Blogger won't allow the full glory to shine through as they limit the size of pictures. So to get the full 4804x3456 pixel version. Go here.

Podcast

Now fully available on iTunes

If you have it running on Vista then please send it a screengrab for all the world to see!

1-800-support

Mr Vista: 1-800-SUPPORT
Uploaded by MrVista

This week (as you are all big Mr Vista fans by now) there was no need to actually add the progress bar - you can imagine it yourself!

Mr Vista and the meaning of life

Mr Vista and the meaning(less) of life
Uploaded by MrVista

Mr Vista gets philosophical on ya assss!

(with special attention for Mr Vista fan DC - no cars this time!)

Less slush

If you're loving your Valentine's vista desktop - but fear the wrath of your colleagues as they ridicule your romantic side then this new desktop / wallpaper is for you!

Mr Vista can't wait to go home

Mr Vista and the day dream
Uploaded by MrVista

Time drags. So a little day dreaming helps.

See your own life slicing away

YES! Now you too can enjoy watching your life slicing away one pixel at a time. In real time!!! Except instead of blocky old pixels you can count away the days.

Available now, and about 2 months too late to be of any use, it's the Mr Vista calendar. Give it to your boss with a cryptic 'get fired' note written in for 4 months time. Give it to an elderly relative so they are reminded of their impending demise. Or even better - keep it for yourself in the vain attempt that people will think you actually made it yourself and are creative.

Whatever you do with it. Download it today. Or maybe tomorrow. Or maybe never.

The Mr Vista 2008 Calendar. Because witnessing the futility of your own existence has never been so much fun!

Please note. This is a 7 meg download. So get extra progress bar excitement watching it download!"

He has, have you?

Don't forget to install your Mr Vista backdrop / wallpaper. Steve has. If you have already, then send it in.

USB - unusually slow boiling

Mr V just wants a cup of tea. But then his colleague, the World's most boring man (TM) arrives. Please you stupid kettle, BOIL!!!

Mr Vista: USB - unusually slow boiling
Uploaded by MrVista

If you have a colleague like the one Mr Vista works with then send it on - anonymously of course. Or leave a comment.

New visitors

"Hejsa" to all the new visitors from Mr Vista!

Vista desktop

Mr Vista meets XP
Boy meets girl
Mouse meets icon

Enjoy Valentine's Day with a new hi-res Mr Vista desktop background. Show everyone in the office you are a sad lonely person - but proud of it. Or send it to a loved one. Either is good.

You can also get it from here.

Important note: you don't need to use Vista to enjoy the amazing artistic and comedic qualities of this desktop.

Episode 3: A vista valentine

Episode 3: A vista valentine
Uploaded by MrVista

'Happy' Valentine's from Mr Vista. Please pass on to your lonely geek friends.

Mr Vista saw this...

Episode 2: In-Stall

Episode 2: In-Stall
Uploaded by MrVista

Mr Vista descends into low-tech this week (I'm afraid). This is dedicated to everyone who has ever wasted the whole of their tea break.

And this weeks episode is ever shorter following requests for a more punchy Mr V experience.

Episode 1

No one ever got anywhere through progress!

Episode 1: No one got anywhere through progress
Uploaded by MrVista

Progress is coming...